Heeding the Crocodiles
Thursday, July 17, 2008
Minor Annoying Moments In Filmdom: Hellboy 2: The Golden Army
Bad guy (Prince Nuada, or 'PN', in my little snippet) sends nature god to kill Hellboy. The following approximation of dialogue ensues:
PN: Go kill him, Instant Nature God! [Nature God reconstitutes]
NG: [In Naturease] Grawr! I hate cars, because they kill the planet, and because humans like them. Smashy smashy!
PN (to Hellboy): If you kill him, there'll never be another.
HB: [looks pained and conflicted]
Scene
Why don't screenwriters ever write the lines that 99% of the audience would say in Hellboy's place:
PN: Go kill him, Instant Nature God! [Nature God reconstitutes]
NG: [In Naturease] Grawr! I hate cars, because they kill the planet, and because humans like them. Smashy smashy!
PN (to Hellboy): If you kill him, there'll never be another.
HB: Uh, well then why the hell did you send him to kill me?
PN: Uh, cause I thought that after he tried to kill you for a bit, that you'd feel sorry for him and join us?
HB: That's some good thinking, Your Highness. ¶ 12:03 1 comments
PN: Go kill him, Instant Nature God! [Nature God reconstitutes]
NG: [In Naturease] Grawr! I hate cars, because they kill the planet, and because humans like them. Smashy smashy!
PN (to Hellboy): If you kill him, there'll never be another.
HB: [looks pained and conflicted]
Scene
Why don't screenwriters ever write the lines that 99% of the audience would say in Hellboy's place:
PN: Go kill him, Instant Nature God! [Nature God reconstitutes]
NG: [In Naturease] Grawr! I hate cars, because they kill the planet, and because humans like them. Smashy smashy!
PN (to Hellboy): If you kill him, there'll never be another.
HB: Uh, well then why the hell did you send him to kill me?
PN: Uh, cause I thought that after he tried to kill you for a bit, that you'd feel sorry for him and join us?
HB: That's some good thinking, Your Highness. ¶ 12:03 1 comments
