Wednesday, January 21, 2004
My Commuting Adventure
The other night I realized that once again I would be late for the last train which runs near my home. However, the same folks who run the train also run a bus service an hour after their last train, for those who miss it. I decided to gamble and take the bus. Though the bus was available, it did not go to the station near my house, but rather to a Park and Ride lot in a part of my town I'd never been to.
Here, of course, is where the trouble started.
I arrived at the station by light rail, and waited for the bus. It was 20 minutes late. As I got on the bus, I asked the driver, "does this bus stop at the Park and Ride lot in __?" Note the word "stop", as it will become of some importance later. The driver replied, "sure, yeah". I said great, and onto the bus I climbed.
I) Implication Is Not the Same As Statement.
I put my headphones on and listened to Hugh Hewitt do battle with Joshua Micah Marshall on "The Hugh Hewitt Show", which I had recorded the day before and transferred to my iPod. After about 30 minutes, I noticed that the bus was pulling onto a highway, and heading out of town. I asked the driver, "when do we stop in __?", to which he replied, "oh, we passed it ten minutes ago.". To my incredulous, "what?!", he replied, "I said 'anyone need to get off at __?' when we got near it.". Now, admittedly I had headphones on. However, I was not listening to Hewitt at top volume. Also, it was hard enough to hear the driver, even when he raised his voice. And this is all beside the point. I said to him, "I asked you if you STOPPED at __, and you said 'yes'. I've never been there before; I don't even know what it looks like.". He issued something between justification and apology, which was annoying, but the important thing to me was how to adjust the situation to get home at something like a reasonable hour. The next stop was a town 20 minutes away from mine. I exasperatedly asked (told) the driver to drop me off there.
II) Pennywise & Dollar Deluded.
At this point I should state that another part of the reason I took this bus was that I was trying to save a few bucks. Taking the bus was free, as it constituted the home leg of the round-trip ticket I'd bought that morning. I skipped an Amtrak train which arrived an hour before the bus, but which I still could've caught, to save five bucks. Keep that in mind as you read.
As we pulled up to the Park & Ride lot at the next town, I prepared to get off, and spend a fortune on a cab home. Fortunately, I had a couple hundred bucks in my pocket (from cashing in those coins). As we came to the stop, an elderly man sitting across from me said, "why don't you go to the next stop (in the next town, another 20 minutes away), as they have a rail station, and you can catch that back to __.". I thanked him for pointing that out to me, and rode on to the next town. Taking the train wouldn't get me all the way home, but it would be in the same city, and it would be much cheaper to take a cab from there. Great. I'm making progress.
We got to the rail station in the next city. I got off, and though I couldn't look at the driver, I accepted his apology, but made clear to him that next time I would be VERY clear about where I wanted to go. I would've been less irritated with him if he hadn't spent the time since causing the problem justifying his actions to exactly no one in particular. If he had just shut up, I would've gone back to a low-boil, but he just kept prating on to no one about why he had done what he had done.
III) Train In Vain.
I bought my ticket at the bizarre ticket vending machine at the train station, worked out what to do, and headed for the platform. Cool, I'm going to start going back in the right direction, I thought. As I got on the train I discovered that that wasn't the case. You see, where I was was the final stop on a spur off of the main train route. To get where I wanted to go, I had to go back west, and then actually away from my destination so that I could get to a station and catch a train which will then head south, where I wanted to go. OK, I knew I was off of the main route, so that wasn't so bad. it wouldn't cost me too much time.
Off of the train at the correct station, I crossed the platform, and read the sign. Indeed, it listed the city where I live, and no more than 30 seconds after I got off of the train I was just on, a train going to my city came along. Fantastic. I didn't even have to wait. I may get home sooner than expected!
Not exactly.
IV) Dropping A Spur.
As I relaxed on the dirty train, too bored and annoyed even to listen to music (except for a little Garbage), I was at least satisfied that home was only a short cab ride from the next two stops. Sure enough, the train stopped once, and then started again. I was too distracted by nothing at all to pay any attention. Ten minutes passed, and then it stopped again. I hopped up, bolted off of the train, and discovered that I was right back where I started.
In my suburban enclave, the trains are very simple. They travel in two directions, and all stop at more-or-less the same places. However, on this Big City Adjunct Satanic Rail system, there are all kinds of trains going everywhere, all the time, in any direction. I'm sure some of them don't even bother with the tracks, just off-roading it to some random burg no one's ever heard of, just to confuse hicks like me. Goddam it.
V) The Plain Girl Tells You Where You Want To Be, But the Red Whore Tells You Where To Go.
So, I crossed the platform once again, looked up at the sign, which still listed the name of my city as one of the destinations, but this time, I also glared intently at the LED sign near it. Sure enough, when the next train rolled up, it did not list my city as a destination. "You've done messed up now, you Gately-confusing bastards", I mumbled, "for now I know to actually read your giant Red Eye Of Relevant Information, and you'll not fool me again.". I stared at it until it revealed unto me that which I demanded to see: 2 minutes out, six cars, destination __. I was so close.
VI) Escape Will Cost You.
The train arrived, and I got on, feeling tired but relieved that I would now actually make it back to my town, away from all of these foreign people, some of whom lived in different counties. Infidel foreign dogs, I thought, I spit on your exotic ways, your newspapers reporting weather slightly different than that in my city. Curses be upon you. After what seemed an eternity we arrived at my golden city. Though I was forced to abandon the construction of a martyrdom belt I'd begun making from my backpack and the few pounds of C4 I carry around just in case, I was happy, and got off of the train. I would send the foreign devils to Hell another day. I was off to the land of what I was sure was 72 somethings, even they were 31 Flavors twice and 10 Virginia Slims. I'd figure it out.
After standing on the platform and ululating for a few minutes, as a both a warning to the foreign devils to leave my place, and a show of solidarity with my city brethren, I walked down the stairs to leave. As I was gliding down the stairs, I noticed that this station had turnstiles at the exits, so I would need my ticket. And guess what. I didn't have it. That mistake cost me $4.40, but then I was free! Grabbed a cab, and had an interesting conversation with the cabbie, once he ended his conversation in Farsi with someone (who I hoped also spoke Farsi) on his cell phone.
Me: "Was that Farsi you were speaking?"
Cabbie: "Yes."
Me: "Cool. I don't get to hear people speak that up-close much. [which is weird, because I live near a pretty large enclave of middle easterners] Was learning English hard for you?"
Cabbie: "No. English was pretty easy, but I speak six languages."
Me: "Really. That's great."
Cabbie: "Yes. German, Farsi, French, Hindi, English, and Spanish. 20% Spanish."
20% Spanish. Awesome. I guess it would've been rude to point out that he actually spoke 5.2 languages. I would love to speak 5.2 languages. I currently speak .6 of English.
And then I was home. Home is where heart, the Missus, the Kidlets, and, important on this night, where the bourbon is.
So, in trying to save five bucks, I ended up paying:
$3.40 for the train fare to my town.
$4.40 for another ticket after I lost mine.
$15.00 for the cab.
------
$22.80
And timewise:
~ 1 hour for the bus, since it was an hour later than the latest train I could've caught.
~ 1+ hour for my extra-scenic bus trip (in the dark).
~ 1-1/2 hours for the Train Extravaganza.
-----
~ 3-1/2 hours
I am the king of thrifty time-saving. Fear me. ¶ 21:54
Here, of course, is where the trouble started.
I arrived at the station by light rail, and waited for the bus. It was 20 minutes late. As I got on the bus, I asked the driver, "does this bus stop at the Park and Ride lot in __?" Note the word "stop", as it will become of some importance later. The driver replied, "sure, yeah". I said great, and onto the bus I climbed.
I) Implication Is Not the Same As Statement.
I put my headphones on and listened to Hugh Hewitt do battle with Joshua Micah Marshall on "The Hugh Hewitt Show", which I had recorded the day before and transferred to my iPod. After about 30 minutes, I noticed that the bus was pulling onto a highway, and heading out of town. I asked the driver, "when do we stop in __?", to which he replied, "oh, we passed it ten minutes ago.". To my incredulous, "what?!", he replied, "I said 'anyone need to get off at __?' when we got near it.". Now, admittedly I had headphones on. However, I was not listening to Hewitt at top volume. Also, it was hard enough to hear the driver, even when he raised his voice. And this is all beside the point. I said to him, "I asked you if you STOPPED at __, and you said 'yes'. I've never been there before; I don't even know what it looks like.". He issued something between justification and apology, which was annoying, but the important thing to me was how to adjust the situation to get home at something like a reasonable hour. The next stop was a town 20 minutes away from mine. I exasperatedly asked (told) the driver to drop me off there.
II) Pennywise & Dollar Deluded.
At this point I should state that another part of the reason I took this bus was that I was trying to save a few bucks. Taking the bus was free, as it constituted the home leg of the round-trip ticket I'd bought that morning. I skipped an Amtrak train which arrived an hour before the bus, but which I still could've caught, to save five bucks. Keep that in mind as you read.
As we pulled up to the Park & Ride lot at the next town, I prepared to get off, and spend a fortune on a cab home. Fortunately, I had a couple hundred bucks in my pocket (from cashing in those coins). As we came to the stop, an elderly man sitting across from me said, "why don't you go to the next stop (in the next town, another 20 minutes away), as they have a rail station, and you can catch that back to __.". I thanked him for pointing that out to me, and rode on to the next town. Taking the train wouldn't get me all the way home, but it would be in the same city, and it would be much cheaper to take a cab from there. Great. I'm making progress.
We got to the rail station in the next city. I got off, and though I couldn't look at the driver, I accepted his apology, but made clear to him that next time I would be VERY clear about where I wanted to go. I would've been less irritated with him if he hadn't spent the time since causing the problem justifying his actions to exactly no one in particular. If he had just shut up, I would've gone back to a low-boil, but he just kept prating on to no one about why he had done what he had done.
III) Train In Vain.
I bought my ticket at the bizarre ticket vending machine at the train station, worked out what to do, and headed for the platform. Cool, I'm going to start going back in the right direction, I thought. As I got on the train I discovered that that wasn't the case. You see, where I was was the final stop on a spur off of the main train route. To get where I wanted to go, I had to go back west, and then actually away from my destination so that I could get to a station and catch a train which will then head south, where I wanted to go. OK, I knew I was off of the main route, so that wasn't so bad. it wouldn't cost me too much time.
Off of the train at the correct station, I crossed the platform, and read the sign. Indeed, it listed the city where I live, and no more than 30 seconds after I got off of the train I was just on, a train going to my city came along. Fantastic. I didn't even have to wait. I may get home sooner than expected!
Not exactly.
IV) Dropping A Spur.
As I relaxed on the dirty train, too bored and annoyed even to listen to music (except for a little Garbage), I was at least satisfied that home was only a short cab ride from the next two stops. Sure enough, the train stopped once, and then started again. I was too distracted by nothing at all to pay any attention. Ten minutes passed, and then it stopped again. I hopped up, bolted off of the train, and discovered that I was right back where I started.
In my suburban enclave, the trains are very simple. They travel in two directions, and all stop at more-or-less the same places. However, on this Big City Adjunct Satanic Rail system, there are all kinds of trains going everywhere, all the time, in any direction. I'm sure some of them don't even bother with the tracks, just off-roading it to some random burg no one's ever heard of, just to confuse hicks like me. Goddam it.
V) The Plain Girl Tells You Where You Want To Be, But the Red Whore Tells You Where To Go.
So, I crossed the platform once again, looked up at the sign, which still listed the name of my city as one of the destinations, but this time, I also glared intently at the LED sign near it. Sure enough, when the next train rolled up, it did not list my city as a destination. "You've done messed up now, you Gately-confusing bastards", I mumbled, "for now I know to actually read your giant Red Eye Of Relevant Information, and you'll not fool me again.". I stared at it until it revealed unto me that which I demanded to see: 2 minutes out, six cars, destination __. I was so close.
VI) Escape Will Cost You.
The train arrived, and I got on, feeling tired but relieved that I would now actually make it back to my town, away from all of these foreign people, some of whom lived in different counties. Infidel foreign dogs, I thought, I spit on your exotic ways, your newspapers reporting weather slightly different than that in my city. Curses be upon you. After what seemed an eternity we arrived at my golden city. Though I was forced to abandon the construction of a martyrdom belt I'd begun making from my backpack and the few pounds of C4 I carry around just in case, I was happy, and got off of the train. I would send the foreign devils to Hell another day. I was off to the land of what I was sure was 72 somethings, even they were 31 Flavors twice and 10 Virginia Slims. I'd figure it out.
After standing on the platform and ululating for a few minutes, as a both a warning to the foreign devils to leave my place, and a show of solidarity with my city brethren, I walked down the stairs to leave. As I was gliding down the stairs, I noticed that this station had turnstiles at the exits, so I would need my ticket. And guess what. I didn't have it. That mistake cost me $4.40, but then I was free! Grabbed a cab, and had an interesting conversation with the cabbie, once he ended his conversation in Farsi with someone (who I hoped also spoke Farsi) on his cell phone.
Me: "Was that Farsi you were speaking?"
Cabbie: "Yes."
Me: "Cool. I don't get to hear people speak that up-close much. [which is weird, because I live near a pretty large enclave of middle easterners] Was learning English hard for you?"
Cabbie: "No. English was pretty easy, but I speak six languages."
Me: "Really. That's great."
Cabbie: "Yes. German, Farsi, French, Hindi, English, and Spanish. 20% Spanish."
20% Spanish. Awesome. I guess it would've been rude to point out that he actually spoke 5.2 languages. I would love to speak 5.2 languages. I currently speak .6 of English.
And then I was home. Home is where heart, the Missus, the Kidlets, and, important on this night, where the bourbon is.
So, in trying to save five bucks, I ended up paying:
$3.40 for the train fare to my town.
$4.40 for another ticket after I lost mine.
$15.00 for the cab.
------
$22.80
And timewise:
~ 1 hour for the bus, since it was an hour later than the latest train I could've caught.
~ 1+ hour for my extra-scenic bus trip (in the dark).
~ 1-1/2 hours for the Train Extravaganza.
-----
~ 3-1/2 hours
I am the king of thrifty time-saving. Fear me. ¶ 21:54
